Have
I spoken before of Mrs. Brown? Well, I'm about to right now speak of
her again, so if you've heard of her, and are tired of hearing of
her, I'd shut your eyes and ears. Go and make a cup of tea. By the
time the water's boiled, a mug's been found, the tea bag dunked and
milk added to your liking, Mrs. Brown will have done with her
shopping and will once again be at home, safe and sound, in her
slippered feet and cosy cardigan.
The
shopping, however, if this is still one of her forgetful days, will
have been abandoned, either in bags on the kitchen floor, or
somewhere else. The hallway, the stairs, in or outside the porch, by
the back door if she's come in that way, or even in the shop she made
the purchases from.
But
if you still don't want to join her even after she's forgotten or
abandoned her shopping, then make yourself a sandwich, not I suggest
in her kitchen because you won't find items where you'd think they'd
be – there was a remote control in the fridge the other day – and
so it might take you an hour or two just to find the bread and
butter. Though, if you look in the cupboard above the toaster you'll
find she has plenty of tinned food, soup and peaches in juice mostly,
which put together as a starter and an after makes a good square
meal, that's what she would say. On a good day.
Have
you grasped some impression of her yet? This remarkable Mrs. Brown.
How
to describe her...? Well, I can tell you what she's not like. She's
absolutely nothing like, in appearance or manner, and in no way
related to Agnes Browne, which you'll know if you know her that the
'e' was later dropped, which means this Agnes is not a Brown at all.
A Brown as in coming from a branch of Browns without an 'e'.
And
nor is my Mrs. Brown Irish. I'm not really sure what part of England
she hails from; her accent gives nothing away.
On
a good day, Mrs. Brown, my
Mrs. Brown speaks clearly but softly with perfectly articulated
vowels; on a middling one, she breaks off mid-sentence and is unable
to finish off stories: I know plenty of beginnings and middles but
few endings, and on a bad day she's more muddled, which quite often
means she runs through a list of names until she settles on what she
thinks is yours and expects you to answer to it. Although it might
change during the course of conversation: you might be Harriet (one
of her sisters) one minute and then you might be Rupert (her son, I
think, or perhaps a dog?) the next. She has this look she gives you
which suggests she's exhausted her mind and is exasperated (with
herself) at the same time. She doesn't actually think you're that
person (or dog); she just wants to hang a name, any
name,
on you, that's all.
This
isn't a good day, so she can't tell me to tell you that she was
around well before Agnes Browne, before Agnes was even a twinkle in
her daddy's eye and later married off to a Mr. Browne; and that she
likes to think she takes after Joan Hickson in the role of Miss.
Marple. They also share the initial J. - hers is for Josephine. And
indeed, she does have a look of her, facially. Build, too, and she
wears her hair the same way, although it doesn't always stay there.
It's cream-white and finer, more flyaway. A bit like her, really. On
a middling day.
On
a very bad day, she's more than absent-minded. Not so much as in
regards to her person – there might be a food stain on a blouse or
jumper – but more in what she says or does. That, she would tell
you, on a good day, is because like Miss. Marple she was piecing
together clues. Though clues to what she's always vague upon. A
missing cat? A stolen bike? No, she says firmly, she's won't
elaborate; a good sleuth never reveals her sources.
It's
a mystery what goes on up there, in that brain of hers. And so that's
why you'll find she might leave her purchases behind, or forget what
she's done with her shopping and even whether she's done it; or
perishables that should be in the fridge rotting in cupboards, or a
wristwatch in the butter dish, with the butter.
Picture credit: Joan Hickson as Miss Marple.
All posts published this year were penned in 2019.
