Stupidity
had two women; Bad Noise, the older of the two by twelve years, was
his common law wife, and Cruelty, his younger mistress.
All
three lived under the same roof, on the top floor of a poky, damp
house divided into lodgings. Stupidity and Bad Noise shared a room,
and Cruelty had her own room next door. This way Stupidity and
Cruelty could hear and speak to each other through the walls, or tap
if a private signal was required. The last was necessary because Bad
Noise was such a harridan that voice and ears were often quite
useless. Bad Noise of course knew about the taps (and Cruelty too)
but not the code, yet out of spite would sometimes knock, confusing
Cruelty into thinking she was urgently wanted when she was not.
Cruelty would rush next door to find Stupidity not in and instead
have a volley of abuse hurled at her.
Cruelty,
despite her name, never seemed to catch on to this game, or maybe she
did but liked it, for after all she was beautiful while Bad Noise
was, and always had been, plain, and was now fading fast. Her waist
had thickened and her hair, instead of the rich gold it used to be,
was more white than yellow, while her face at least had retained its
soft plumpness and was one of the few remaining attractive qualities
about her.
Yes,
being married to Stupidity had prematurely aged Bad Noise, and made
her into what she was. A nag. Although from her mother's point of
view it had been a good match. A very good match. For Bad Noise had
money behind her and Stupidity, though very obviously lacking in
intelligence and a bit of a rascal with the ladies, was a handsome
chap, with locks like Samson.
However,
Stupidity was too extravagant; too good at mismanaging funds and
losing money, which Bad Noise, with, at first, displays of weeping,
and then a sharp tongue, couldn't curtail. But from then on, from
when his character became apparent, she scolded him whatever he did
or didn't do.
These
fell on deaf ears - all ears will go deaf after a time if that's all
they're subjected to – and made Stupidity fall into the paths, or
arms, of other women. Most of whom were younger and quieter and owned
more beauty than Bad Noise.
Oh,
she was a miserable and put-upon wife, dealing as she had to with
Stupidity's affairs and creditors, and determined that, in spite of
their reduced circumstances and tattered reputation, this should
change. A wife and a mistress, rather than a succession of
interchangeable mistresses, should be enough for any man,
particularly a man like Stupidity. So to that end she worked that
idea into Stupidity's head, and, after some time, it took.
Stupidity
had by then aged, but aged better. For he'd had none of Bad Noise's
stress and all of the pleasure, and age, as all ladies know, becomes
a man, so attracting a maid wasn't too difficult. Beauty though often
has a cruel, capricious and manipulative heart.
Stupidity
was the one, who from the beginning, did all the running and Bad
Noise was, as you can imagine, not best pleased. So again she
whispered into Stupidity's ear and settled that he should go on
journey and return with Cruelty, pretending she was his sister, so
that then they could all live together with a semblance of decency.
This
they did, though it wasn't, as it turned out, a harmonious
arrangement and was of course talked about.
Cruelty
was not as docile as she, in public, appeared, and Bad Noise was as
noisy as ever. Stupidity, still stupid and vain, was desirous of
peace, or some at least, and so he let both, in the evenings and in
the presence of each other, comb and dress his hair. This placated
the two women for a while, though didn't diminish their individual
sense of injustice or competitive spirit, which gently, under the
surface, simmered.
Between
them they gradually took away the source of his pride. First it was
cut, and then it was plucked – Bad Noise plucking out the dark
hairs and Cruelty the grey – until he was bald.
Picture credit: The Man with Two Mistresses Fable, Sebastion Le Clerc, the younger.
This post was pennned in 2019.
